Monday, March 16, 2015

Do You Really Have To Worry About Sexual Abuse? I Want my Children to Listen to Adults!

I Want my Children to Listen to Adults!

Do your children listen to adults? Do I hear laughing? I don't know about you, but in my family, we were taught to listen to adults. If I did not, there would be big trouble, and I would be sorry I did not follow the rules of my family. When I was young, children were not taught to do anything else and we grew up in a world in which all adults and authority figures deserved that trust, or at least we all believed they did.

Now, we know a little more than we used to know, OK, sadly, a lot more. Every person that is an authority figure wants the kids they take care of to listen to them. That makes things so much easier when you are a teacher, a babysitter, the daycare worker, or a parent. But in our world today, it's not as easy and clear as we thought it once was.

While most parents expect their children to do what they ask them to do, they need to be able to say "No" when adults do things that are bad or uncomfortable. Children need to know that if an adult does something that makes them feel uncomfortable, they have the right to tell the person "No", or run in the opposite direction, or cal for help.

Children need to be taught about "good touch" and "bad touch" and the idea of someone touching them inappropriately should be explained to them in an age appropriate manner, so they know what is acceptable and what is not. Then they need to be given permission to tell anyone "No" and refuse to listen to whatever they tell them.
Carolyn has been providing therapy for clients for 30+ years and although she has worked with all kinds of clients in all kinds of environments, her passion continues to be providing services for clients who have dealt with sexual abuse issues and trauma. She currently provides all types of therapeutic support for victims of sexual abuse assault rape and incest. Serving Ft. Lauderdale, Palm Beach, and Miami area
Carolyn Wilson, M.S.W., L.C.S.W.
Personal Solutions 954-793-3201
Helping you To Find Your Personal Solutions

Tuesday, February 24, 2015

Do We Really Have to Worry About Sexual Abuse? Being Your Own Best Friend

This is a post I wrote before starting this current blog. It is a technique I use and share with my clients. I believe when you are a sexual abuse survivor searching for support and understanding you can learn to give it to yourself, and you will know you have someone in your corner with your best interest in mind.

Most of us have heard someone telling them about the wonder of being their “own best friend”. For some, it’s a catch phrase, a buzzword that lost its appeal a couple of decades ago. It sounds a little like a term therapists used back in the 1960’s or ‘70’s when therapists recommended the book “I’m OK, You’re OK”, by Thomas Harris.

I’d venture to guess we could all use another friend but having yourself as a best friend is not exactly in the same category of friends as the others. Many of us have had less nurturing than would be ideal during our life. In addition, unless you have a completely selfless significant other, without a job or other responsibilities, who can solely provide you with whatever support and nurturing you might need, there are days when you might not think you could ever get enough.

Even when you lived at home with your parents, whose job it was to nurture and support you emotionally while running the household, keeping a job, meeting the needs of all other family members, and having a life; we may not get enough support and love.

And If we need more, where do we get it? Do we get it from the guy or girl at the bar when it’s almost closing time? Do we get it from our children or our spouse? What about the people at work? Still need more?

For those dark nights, the three a.m. times when you’re alone or your secret is too secret to share, who is there? You, you are always there and learning how to provide your self with the support you want is a gift like no other. You can give it to yourself. Then what you get from others is just icing on the cake.

Imagine that, giving yourself what you need. A lot of us remain in relationships because we don’t want to be alone, more importantly we don’t want to feel alone. When you are your own best friend, you are never alone. You don’t have to suffer through other people’s “junk” You can choose people who treat you the way you deserve to be treated. A permanent best friend who only has your best interests at heart and people in your life who treat you the way that you should be treated. Think of how great your life will be!
Call me, I can help you learn how to help yourself.

Carolyn has been providing therapy for clients for 30+ years and although she has worked with all kinds of clients in all kinds of environments, her passion continues to be providing services for clients who have dealt with sexual abuse issues and trauma. She currently provides all types of therapeutic support for victims of sexual abuse assault rape and incest. Serving Ft. Lauderdale, Palm Beach, and Miami area
Carolyn Wilson, M.S.W., L.C.S.W.
Personal Solutions 954-793-3201
Helping you To Find Your Personal Solutions

Monday, February 16, 2015

The Trouble With Sexual Abuse.

The Trouble With Sexual Abuse

As a therapist who specializes in work with clients who have been sexually abused, I have worked with clients whose lives have been forever altered from the trauma they have been through. Until you live through this kind of life-changing event, (or events), you cannot imagine the impact. It is something that makes the victim into another person.

And my message here, even with all the gloom and doom, is "you can be a survivor, from those moments you felt like a victim, you can survive and become a fully functioning person." Believe me, there is a way to put all those pieces back together. You may need some help; maybe a good therapist, but you can do it. So don't give up, you can put the pieces back together.

I wonder if the perpetrator ever sees the damage they do, see how impaired their victims' lives can become by one act of power and control? I wonder if they would they make different choices? Family members, acquaintances, and people they see every day and sometimes traumatized in the name of love or some sort of affection often victimize people. Do these aggressors care? Would it make a difference?

The victim needs to put their life back together, put their head, and heart together and figure out how to exist in a world that is completely changed. They become a new person and they feel they will never see joy, see colors, trust, love, close their eyes in peace, or be able to take a deep breath again. They need to re-evaluate the world. But, I promise, with some work, you can do it. Don't give up.

Monday, February 2, 2015

Do You Really Have To Worry About Sexual Abuse? It Didn't Affect Me!!!??

When you were young, you were a victim. You may or may not have known it was wrong but the most important part was you didn't have any power. The other person had the power. You just wanted to be loved, whatever that took...you just didn't expect being loved would be like that.
Time went on and it seemed to be less important. It was something you put in the back, far away from the every day "you". If anyone knew, you would be so humiliated, even if it wasn't your fault. you were afraid people would think it was your fault. Like you could have stopped it, could have controlled it, even if you really couldn't, people don't believe it. They want to know "why?", and you don't know why either.
Now all this time has passed, and you don't even think about it very much. You see things on TV or in the newspaper and it reminds you. When everyone else is talking about the latest story, sometimes you think about how it could have been you they are reading about. But it isn't you, it isn't you! Your life isn't messed up. You are in control. You work and you have a daughter. You are a contributing member of society. And no one knows.
But your life isn't going well. You are taking drugs and sometimes you take drugs in front of your daughter. But you are doing OK; your daughter has good grades and you have an important job. Except you have to declare bankruptcy, more than once and life at home is not so good. Somehow you keep finding guys that don't treat you so well. They hit you, they hit your daughter, there is a lot of name calling and sometimes infidelity. But you still want to be loved, and you keep trying and trying to do whatever you need to do for that love. You work so hard.
You protect your abuser. Hide the story. Don't get any therapy because you don't need it. If you can just get everything straight and right, it will be alright for you. Then you find out how much your daughter is hurting, hurting right along with you. She's cutting herself, she pulls away from everyone The beautiful, shining child with all the hope and promise is now sullen, depressed, shut alone in her room and cutting herself to deal with the pain she feels in the life you live, the life you share. She is taking on your pain. Even if you are OK, she is not. The daughter you love more than your life, is reflecting the pain IN your life. It is the pain in her life that makes things more clear. You need to rescue her and maybe you can rescue yourself. Can you?
I can help you find your way to the light at the end of the tunnel. Call me at 954-793-3201.